The Sacred Art of Listening
I came across this quote today while listening to a lecture on 'The Sacred Art of Listening' - by Tara Brach - and I felt compelled to share it:
“Deep listening is the kind of listening that helps relieve the suffering of another person. You can call it compassionate listening, you listen with only one purpose – to help him or her to empty their heart. Even if he or she says things that are full of wrong perceptions, full of bitterness, you are still capable of continuing to listen with compassion. You just listen with compassion and help them to suffer less.
1 hour like that can bring transformation and healing." Thich Nhat Hanh
Listening is at the very heart of talking therapy (or counselling.) Given the right conditions - anyone can heal - given a warm, accepting, non judgemental, non 'fixing' safe environment with an equal relationship with a therapist entirely within the client's 'frame of reference' creates deep connection and healing.
All flowers blossom given the right conditions.
When we haven’t been heard or listened to our creative and expressive fountain dries up – we 'dry up,' our INNER TRUTH is not allowed to be out or come out, it is locked in, unheard, we are silent or locked in small talk. What comes from us is vague confused, nervous and with no real connection. Depression and a deep feeling of isolation and loneliness in the world is too often the result - completely disconnection from others.
Listening is an amazing gift – it relieves the suffering of the other person.
‘To listen is to lean in softly, with a willingness to be changed by what we hear.” - Mark Nepo
Next time someone is talking to you, instead of spending the time half listening or not actually listening at all, instead just preparing what you want to say in response, keeping one eye on the time, just stop. Stop having an agenda. Stop wanting something from the conversation - to be right, to get approval, to 'fix' the person, to leap in with a solution, to accomplish and acheive something. Stop fearing being judged or criticised, potentially offended. Just stop and actually listen. Give that person a voice and your time.
I will finish this short article with a quote from Gregory Boyle in "Tattoos on the Heart". Boyle is a Jesuit present who worked with gangs in Los Angeles.
He recounts the story of one day in-between masses when he had just seven minutes break to prepare for the next mass - a woman walked into him - a heroin addict, gang member and part time prostitute. She sat down and said,
"I need help"
Aware of the time he had until his next mass he felt agitated and annoyed. She continued:
"I am a heroin addict of many years. Since the day I started I have wanted to give up."
She leaned her head back and fat tears fell down her face...
"I am a digrace."
Boyle goes on to say that when the woman came in:
"I had mistaken her as an interruption."
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.
